CarMax Battle Of The Batshit SUV's

"Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire" (arch-duke-maxyenko) 07/08/2014 at 15:59 • Filed to: doge demuro

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Three insane SUV's, 1 winner. Fight!

1. 2012 BMW X6M

2. 2012 Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8

3. 2012 Porsche Cayenne Turbo

Which one and why?

JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:02

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X6M.

Sorry, but I love the idea of a stupid batshit odd SUV thing! The others seem too boring!

Jagvar > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:05

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The Cayenne. You heard me right. Come at me, bro.

This is due mostly to my preference for VAG.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > Jagvar 07/08/2014 at 16:06

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You sure that you're not just VAG whipped?

Mr. FiSTer of Team FiST Fetish > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:09

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Jeep because goddamn 'Murica.

Jagvar > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:09

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I just can't vote for an X6, even in M trim. I just...can't.

And the Grand Cherokee? Nothing wrong with it. It just doesn't do much for me.

Brian Silvestro > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:18

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I love Carmax.

PS9 > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:19

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X6 is disqualified. I pick Jeep because 'murica.

Roundbadge > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:25

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As much as I hate to base my opinion on Top Gear, I can't like the X6 (M or not).

Cayenne...just no. I've never liked the look of the Cayenne. The "Porsche shouldn't make SUVs!" argument doesn't even enter into this. I've always found them hideous.

SRT8 for me.

Textured Soy Protein > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:26

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Curb Weight
Cayenne Turbo - 4784 lbs
Grand Cherokee SRT - 5150 lbs
X6 M - 5324 lbs

So in the words of Colin Chapman, I'll take the Cayenne.

Tripper > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 16:37

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I think I'll have the Jeep, as it's most likely the cheapest to fix. I really don't like any of them but I loathe the X6. I don't even know if you can consider it an SUV, you can't fit anything in it, it only seats 4, and I bet that it's trash offroad.

jaguarenvy > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 07/08/2014 at 16:53

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I agree; if you're going to go make a weird suped-up SUV, might as go all the way. There is no reason for this car to exist and people hate it which makes it the best choice.

jaguarenvy > JQJ213- Now With An Extra Cylinder! 07/08/2014 at 16:56

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Also, this should be Doug's next car.

Evan, Pope Of Jalopnik by Self-Appointment > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 17:15

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As much as I like the X6M, gotta go Cayenne Turbo. Its just far and away superior to the other two in every way.

Alex B > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 17:17

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SRT8, because I like it.

Vicente Esteve > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 17:41

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This is damn hard. I actually like the Batshitness of the batshit insane Zeuzs beard X6M. But the Porsche is just better, but I would immediately put different wheels on it.

iforgotmyburnerkeyagain > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/08/2014 at 18:46

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srt8 duh

thebigbossyboss > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 07/09/2014 at 09:12

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Cherokee SRT 8. Do not like BMW's (something something owners) and Cayenne is 2nd ugliest car after Aztek.